Rejections - sometimes hard to take

I'm really disappointed that I didn't get a State Library fellowship. It seemed so perfect as the next thing to do. I will just have to keep researching on my own.
Rejections are a part of the game for artists and every artist knows that but sometimes you REALLY REALLY want something and when it doesn't come through it is harder to take than other things.
I have so much material to research I was hoping that the time spent in the Library would focus me. It is hard to make myself sit and do the research I know I have to do when the studio and the joy of making is like a siren calling me away from the computer.

I have started work in my home studio this week.

It feels so special working here. It used to be my Mums flat while I was able to look after her at home. It took me 3 years before I felt able to have it as my studio.
I am doing work here that I need a dust free environment for, and the River studio is space where I can experiment and make a mess.
I noticed this week that I have moved away from the images of my great grandparents and am working only on images of myself. At the moment I am doing three pieces that involve sticking thousands of pins in my face. Understandably I guess, I am feeling a little blue. A strange anxiety has settled in me that I am sure is a part of this work.
I have a big book on Louise Bourgeois on my table and find myself looking at her work every day.