Making mistakes - BIG ones

I was invited this week to a gathering of people to discuss the barriers for audiences participating in Indigenous arts. A research group commissioned by the Australia Council are doing these meetings and workshops to present their data and to receive comments and feedback from relevant people.
The research was very interesting and one of the big things that came out of the work they have done so far is that non-Indigenous Australians have a fear of participating, wether it be because they are reticent about how they should or should not respond OR what they described as a fear of looking stupid regarding what they don't know.

I found myself arguing that it is not what they don't know that is the source of the fear, but what they DO know, even if it is unconscious or just outside of their awareness. We do know what happened here if not the specifics and it is that uncomfortable knowledge that we avoid coming into contact with. We would rather keep it below the surface and any interaction with Indigenous knowledge, culture or issues threatens to nudge it to the surface. We would rather remain in the dark. (oh and I know I am generalising here so don't be personally offended)

My argument became more and more didactic as I tried to explain what I have been witnessing in myself and others for 30 years and of course what happened was that I BECAME the issue. There were two Indigenous people at the group I was with and instead of listening which is what I KNOW to do, I spoke on and on in an attempt to placate my own discomfort. I came away with a horrible feeling that my shame/guilt was spread all over them. One was a good friend who I have known for many years and I am sad to say I may have damaged that friendship.

It has made me think about my project again and engage with the question, how can my willingness to confront the shame of the past not become yet another thing that Aboriginal people have to deal with.

I think it might be in the area of humour - some way of laughing at myself in it all while not taking away the pointy edge of the project. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

In the dark - I attempt to see.

Clumsy White Woman